Been writing this for a while. Partly because I went through a break up a few months ago but more so because I’ve noticed there are a lot of girls out there who are single (recently or otherwise) and some seem pretty upset by it.
Maybe you’ll get something out of this. Maybe you won’t.
And I’m definitely no expert. I’m just a single girl working this out one day at a time.
So. A break up. It doesn’t matter how it happened.
But it probably hurt.
Throw yourself a pity party, eat cupcakes, watch soppy movies, deplete the kleenex supplies. Do whatever you gotta do. But you only get one week okay?
Give yourself this deadline. Then you gotta get over it. So pull on your big girl shoes and deal, because Victim-chic is not an attractive look on anyone.
Yes. Don’t worry. I cringed as I wrote this. Sounds 100% lame. But trust me. And don’t get a bitter song. Like a song about him being a cheating mongrel or her being a gold digging hussy or whatever. Get a happy one. This is key. When you hear it. Dance. Doesn’t matter where you are. In your car. In the store. Crossing the street.
Now’s a great time in your life to act a bit silly. You’ll feel better.
Do it.
And If you can’t find one, I’ll lend you Katy Perry- Firework or New Radicals- You get what you give.
You’re old enough and wise enough to know that it takes two to tango. Plus it’s true. Negative energy does nothing but eat you up on the inside. It’s not healthy. Now it’s easier said than done. You’ve been rejected on some level and of course that hurts.
Especially if you’re like me…because I over-think like it’s nobody’s business.
Vent it ALL out during your wallow week.
And then
Let go.
Lol. I did this. I went to war. I went a bit ridiculous. Had several-to-many tirades in my head about how I didn’t need a guy. How I was completely over them ALL! Every single one. I was going to rock my entire life as a single, independent woman.
I even came up with the Flat Tyre Theory: I was going to learn to change a tyre and then I had absolutely no reason to engage with guys ever again.
They’re not all that bad. And. They’re not all the same.
You had your week to wallow. And thoughts can be a dangerous place. Now get up and get going. Do things. Get out. Learn a new skill. Take up knitting. Knit like no person has knit before. Knit until even your friends pets have knitted keepsakes. You get the idea.
Gym, by the way is a god send right now.
Make some goals. Channel your energy into completing them. De-clutter your flat, your life. It’s a mental thing. Honestly. Single is a great motivator. I know this because my cupboards are achieving crazy heights of organization.
I’ve never been this productive in my life.
You’ll realise who the good ones are. These are the people who stick around to help you pick up the pieces. It’s perfectly acceptable to lean on them right now. Plus if they’re close ones they’ll have seen it coming and they’ll be there for you.
Mine were. I didn’t even need to ask.
Don’t abuse it though.
And when they say to you: ” I could see from day one it wasn’t going to work.”
Don’t get upset.
Just know that they’re trying to be there for you, in the way they think is best.
Be grown up enough to see that it was for the best. That sometimes. No matter how much you want it to, it’s just not working. Neither partner is completely to blame. It just happens. I think this is one of the toughest types of breakups.
But a good friend said: Why settle for content Robs? Aim for happy.
So. Learn from it. It’s never a waste. It’s experience.
And.
Believe that sometimes, things need to fall apart, so that other things can fall together.
You’re going to learn to be on your own. It’s really not all that bad. I used to be incredibly scared of being alone. But I actually needn’t have worried. Because really, when you think about it, what are you afraid of?
And sure, some days it’s difficult. But it gets easier. Plus it’s kind of refreshing knowing you are comfortable enough going somewhere on your ace. I’m proud. I look at the person I was a year ago. She would never, ever have done this.
The best lesson you can learn is being your own person.
Chest out, stomach in peeps 
And if you really can’t face rocking up sans a plus one. Ask someone. Call up a friend. Call up anyone. Hell, drop me an email. Because I’ve been there and I do know that it sucks.
You’re going to get advice from all sides. You don’t need to take every piece. Because then you’ll go crackers. You know yourself better than anyone. So filter out what you think will work best for you.
And. A lot of people are going to play matchmaker.
They’re just trying to help.
If you’re not ready. You’re not ready. And there’s no harm in that.
Don’t stop doing things just because you don’t have a partner. Your life is not over. If you want to do something, go off and do it! As wonderful as friends are, they can’t be there 24/7.
Going to lunch on your own, or taking yourself to a movie doesn’t make you any less of a person.
In fact.
You have my utmost respect. I think it makes you ten times the person.
So don’t be down. And now be prepared, because I’m about to pelt you with more clichés
BUT
Someone does notice you, someone does care and at least one person thinks about you before they close their eyes at night.
Promise.
I hope that if you needed this, it made you feel better.
*Images found thanks to weheartit
Mother City Blogger. By day: Mobile Brand Specialist. By dreams: Actress. Gets Hiccups. Loves bad puns. Hates spiders. Understands Offside Rule. Will own an R8. Queen of the Typo.
Copyright 2011. All writings are property of the Hobson. Please ask first :) kthxbai
8 Comments
Faeron Wheeler
So proud of you my friend
04 Jan 2011 10:01 am
Robyn
Good post. Really like this line on friends “You’ll realise who the good ones are. These are the people who stick around to help you pick up the pieces. “
04 Jan 2011 11:01 am
Tweets that mention Flying Solo | The scribblings of Robs — Topsy.com
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Raoul de Jongh, Marianna Boguslavsky and Catherine Scott, Robyn Hobson. Robyn Hobson said: Flying Solo http://bit.ly/e0DtdA > Been writing this for a few weeks. I hope that if you needed this, it made you feel better #post [...]
BlindCripple
I’m so glad you posted this. When I wrote like this, it does nothing but make you feel good.
Being on your own once when you’ve been in a long relationship, especially when you’re young, is the best thing you can do. Learning to be with yourself will start to feel amazing and you’ll grow like you never knew possible. I’m not saying don’t be single, but it’s just something to consider.
And I’m glad you wrote about hearing other people’s advice. I also wrote that everyone will want to give you their advice, and that their advice is the one sure fire way to do things, but you’ll know what feels right for you. And let’s face it, that’s all that really matters.
I’m happy for you. You’ve got a lot to look forward to from here on in…
04 Jan 2011 11:01 am
Dylan Moore
Nice Post. I aint a chick but can see it is written from the heart. Have a great 2011. p.s single is not that bad after all…
04 Jan 2011 01:01 pm
Dan Parker
Awesome post, had a good laugh at how true much of it is.
If you cant be happy with single, with yourself in your own company. How can you expect to be happy with someone else in theirs.
04 Jan 2011 03:01 pm
Craig
How can you not love this positivity? Great ideas!
05 Jan 2011 07:01 am
Robyn Hobson
Just wanted to say thanks
For taking the time to read and comment.
The response I got to this was incredible. Emails, DM’s. People just letting me know it had helped.
How awesome?
I’m really glad I wrote it because other people took something from it.
Plus it made them laugh.
And that’s half the battle
06 Jan 2011 04:01 am
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