Scribblings of Robs

13 May 2010

Theatre Is Better Than DSTV

My DSTV is doing battle with the Cape of Storms and it’s losing spectacularly . I am pressing MENU 13 in vain and repeatedly pulling out the smart card … although it has expressively told me not to. What does it know?

Hopelessly I sit, switching the little box that holds my key to 19 billion and 1 channels on and off. What did people do for fun in the Dark Ages ?

And as the little grey box bobs around the screen, telling me at 9 o clock at night to contact my installer ( who? ) I sit here and realise that going to the Theatre is frankly much better,

because

• There is a bar and a bar tender.
• You wont’ have to sit through routine ads for LG, Vodacom, Yummy, Sparkly ‘this is not a scripted advert’ Pear juice or Yoghurt that keeps Miss Jones regular
• You don’t have to watch Bear Grylls and his magic backpack not get eaten by a Grizzly bear.
• If Eskom wants to play hide and seek with the electricity, the play can make a plan to still continue… if not there is point 1 and you will get a refund.
• The program is correct, unlike the 5 line DSTV, info description. Whoever writes those is not paid enough and should consider watching the shows.
• None of the actors are Australian ( worrying tv presenter trend in SA).
• The scenes run in the correct order. They don’t just decided to drop 2 scenes and jump ahead to the finale. Additionally they don’t decide to cut the finale either.
• The play doesn’t stop due to bad weather … unless it’s Maynardville.
• The only bouquets are the ones that the actors get for a good show.
• The actors do not emit an electrical humming noise because one of their wires is a bit loose.
• The actors do not suffer from interference when a cloud moves between them and a satellite in outer space.
• The scene doesn’t jump like a damaged DVD during important moments (controversial wickets) because reception from India is poor.
• You don’t have to see numerous SA personalities doing the ‘soccer’ dance.
• You don’t have to hear impassioned speeches riddled with censorship holes and then miss more action while you are fiddling about with the language options.
• There are no fights over the remote… because there is no remote.
• There are no demographically perfect groups of South Africans blowing vuvuzelas, braaing and kicking soccer balls stating the obvious ” It is here, I was there , It is possible.”
• Dali Mpofu is not and never will be the director