Scribblings of Robs

22 Apr 2010

Average Girl: Getting Into A Beauty Pageant

I am not a proper model. I am actress who loves the click of the camera, the swishing of the Photoshop brushes and the smiles that accompany a great result.

The Interview

So how I managed to get to the National Finals in a Beauty Pageant … puzzles even me.

I’m trying to remember why I entered. Oh yes. I didn’t think it was your standard pageant.  The idea of giving back to the Earth, saving penguins, building communities and helping make a difference appealed to me. It seemed it was the size of your heart that counted, not the size of your hips.

I am also not exceptional at dressing myself. Oh sure I can do the basic bits like buttoning buttons and tying shoelaces, but actually putting together something that’s stepped out of the pages of COSMO. Pass me jeans and a tee shirt please.

My good old standby.

Interview:

Girls had travelled far and wide to make it there (one had driven 6 hours in a ball gown). The conversation in the waiting room was a blur of power suits, ball gowns and six-inch heels. The talk revolved around Miss South Africa, Miss SA teen, the questions we would be asked and other pageants. It seemed that this was some sort of sport.

Standing there in my flat sandals and minimal make up (not because I am arrogant, but because my skills are very subpar) I felt a bit like a BBC journo in the ‘revolutionary house.’

I did not feel I was fantastic in my interview. To be dead honest I felt sometimes that I was too clever. While other girls were being asked if they would eat genetically grown, headless chickens, I was busy being quizzed on the members of the G8 and the results of the Climate Conference at Copenhagen.

On being asked if I lived a Green Lifestyle… I shrugged and replied that I probably drank too much coffee. The lady who obviously did live a green lifestyle seemed subtly shocked in the style that only green, aging beauty queens can pull off.

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Once interviews had finished we were then given a talk on climate change. Empty eyes stared at me when I spoke to the contestants about Blackle.com, An Inconvenient Truth and BBC Earth. The spokesmodel of a mineral, eco-friendly makeup company then impressed upon on us the need to switch to mineral and educated us about the hazards of make up, perfume and skincare products.  I found this quite funny given that Garnier was one of the main sponsors. I was clearly the only one… as all around me contestants faithfully promised to swop to mineral make-up, stop using perfume and strive to be as organic as possible. One even claimed she would refrain from using deodorant…

I did however get to meet 2 lovely penguins from SANCCOB. They survive on donations and volunteers so please help support them and the great work they do.

Making It To The Finals:

I got the call telling me I had made it and that all 16 finalists had to be present for a week of ‘Green Activities’ in Jozi . I was sent a guide and itinerary for the duration of our stay. I was also responsible for my own travel and was told I had to raise R3000 to cover my ‘green activities.’ Charity was becoming a pricey business.

I flipped through the lists of rules and regulations I had been sent. I was introduced to the Glass Rule.

“Ladies are reminded that they may not drink out of papers cups or cans and may only be seen drinking out of glasses.”

I wondered what their position on Vitamin Water bottles is?

I had to have smart outfits for every day.

Help! I couldn’t even think of one smart outfit in my closet. Let alone the 6 I would need.

Manicured fingers and toes.

My DIY manicures last mere minutes before I chip them to pieces. 1 day is my personal best.

I told Fae about the finer points of the holy bible of beauty pageantry I had been sent. She stared at me wide-eyed and very kindly told me I wasn’t going to survive. I had to admit, she had a point.

Politely Declining:

I am not competing for the title of Miss Earth South Africa. Instead I spent a few days drinking coffee, using deodorant, and making friends in woodstocks’ drug alleys whilst shooting a music video for 30 From Ace. An experience I wouldn’t trade for the world. I also couldn’t get over the fact that I would have had to possibly tour a glass factory in high heels.

Shooting for 30 From Ace

Photos: Music Video Stills courtesy Of A. Maresch